Slowing Down

By Wendy Woodland

One of the most profound experiences I have had is noticing and experiencing the beauty and joy in slowing down. 

Prior to this trip, I always felt like time was in such small supply. Now, I feel I have time to “stop and smell the flowers”. Usually. I still get this urge to move on sooner than is necessary, but it is tempered by the lack of a next place I need to be. I have to intentionally remind myself that we don’t have to hurry off to anywhere. I want my family to enjoy what we are experiencing so this is really important to me. 

The biggest thing I have learned to appreciate is slowing down. I think it is benefiting my relationship with my kids. I still get annoyed when it takes them forever to get out of the car. Even when we give them a heads-up and tell them when we stop and tell them to get out, it seems to take so long for them to get out of the car. They have to put down their phones, find their shoes, look for their things, and then wait for each other before they pile out. Sometimes the car automatically locks because it is shut for so long after my husband and I get out. Then they are locked in and we have to unlock the door again. However, I have tried to stop myself from hurrying them as nobody likes to be rushed. 

I have noticed changes  in some small ways too. We see things. I have fallen in love with hunting for and finding mushrooms. My kids will spy a hidden mushroom and run to find me to let me know. I can stand and watch birds for a really long time. Who knew I was a birder? We all know more birds than we could ever have imagined we would. One of my children even got pooped on by a bird yesterday. Maybe we were moving too slowly. We sit and watch the ocean for hours. We have seen so many surprising things in the ocean or along the seashore. We have found sharks’ teeth. Okay, I have only found them when helped by Nick’s cousin who really has an eye for them. I notice small things that I never noticed or appreciated before. So do they. For this I am grateful. 

Did you know that sometimes the best part of a sunset happens 30 minutes after the sun disappears? A couple of days ago, we watched a sunset off of a pier near Mobile, Alabama. It was gorgeous. The mullet were jumping for 20 minutes before it set. During that time you could almost always see one jumping out of the water. They jump, then jump, then jump again. Presumably they are eating bugs off the surface of or just above the water. We were amazed! We sat in awe after the sun set and the sky just got pinker, then redder, then purple, then all of the colors mixed. We slowly walked back to the camper and continued to watch as it spread, lit different clouds, moved around the sky and finally shifted to darker hues. It was over an hour of observation. This is something that  I never allowed myself the time to appreciate before. We lived in Colorado- arguably one of the most beautiful places for sunsets. Yesterday, as my oldest and I walked toward the dock to watch another sunset, she commented that sunsets didn’t last as long in Colorado. Now, I wonder if we just didn’t allow ourselves the time to appreciate them. 

On a recent bike ride in Jonathan Dickinson State Park in Florida, my children all stopped for one reason or another. It is a really windy, fast, exciting path. My middle child stopped because she saw shells- some of the best we had seen- hidden in the sandy dirt along the trail. She wanted to stop and find more and collect them. My oldest wanted to stop and take pictures of the beauty everywhere. My youngest got chilly, so we stopped. She got off her bike, pulled off her backpack, unzipped it, dug until she found a sweatshirt buried in the things she brought, put it on, replaced the back pack and got back on her bike. It took about 3 minutes.  I noticed that I wasn’t annoyed at how long it took. In fact, it was fun to watch and appreciate how she is always prepared. At one point we had to move off the trail (I think to collect shells) so other bikers could pass. My husband turned to me and commented that we weren’t going to break any speed records. No, but we might be breaking other records.

I am saddened and sometimes ashamed of how I always want to rush things…especially my children. I cringe when they apologize when I have to wait for them. I tell them I don’t mind, but they have learned that I usually do. I really don’t (as much) now, but it is hard to change their perception. 

Journaling is a struggle for me. I like to journal or I just like the idea of journaling. While I journal, I write about and then ruminate on all that I want to or need to do. Most times I stop, mid-entry, to go and start something on my list. It might be a little ADHD of me, but at some point, I feel like I just identified something more important than journaling that I should be doing. I am better at it now, but I have to be doing it with plenty of time and with a purpose in mind. 

Mornings are different now. On school days, our routines were tight. Up, bathroom, dress, pack, eat, pack again, jackets, shoes, find shoes, argue over shoes, shoes again, then car…no dilly-dallying! I probably broke records of the number of times I said, “Come on, let’s go” or “hurry-up” or “you ready yet?”. I am sure I unintentionally have ingrained in them my sense of impatience. Now I wake early and take a walk, have tea, then more tea, then write or read or listen to a podcast. 

This year I am hoping for the great undoing. I want to undo not just their perception, but my own ingrained sense of urgency about too many things. Now, in the mornings, we try to let them sleep in, but sometimes they sleep too late and then can’t get to sleep. It is a vicious cycle. So, when I wake them I try to just go into their room, rub their back, play with their hair or start a conversation. I still find myself impatient when I am ready to leave and they are still lingering in our one tiny bathroom…what are they doing in there?! I just try to not sound hurried. 

This morning, as I sat with my youngest (she wakes up the earliest), I paused to talk to her. Not out of the side of my eye with short responses, but to really engage her in conversation about things she wanted to talk about and to really listen. It was really nice. She told me all about Roblux (ugh!), but she really shines when she talks about it. Then we talked about Christmas, her stuffed moose, Dave’s Killer Bread, and a few other random things. I wasn’t distracted and it felt nice. 

I have to admit, it only lasted about an hour, but I will take it. In taking time to listen to my children, I have learned a lot about Roblox, nail care, makeup, skincare, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Claire Rosinkranz, blogging, vlogging, Instagram, TikTok, Stranger Things, as well as their hopes and dreams about their future. Maybe it’s more than I wanted about some topics, but still, it is good to know what they are thinking. 

My greatest hope is making this unhurried me the “new me”. This morning we mosied around a cemetery in Mobile, Alabama and now we are at the library. My oldest just finished her online Astronomy class and we are headed to a leisurely lunch. I could get used to this!